Whiskey Flavored Nights
by AllisonMitchel
Summary: It's never easy to face the pains of growing up when the pains of the heart are so unbearable and suffocating; but, alas, there Sakura was, making poor choices leading to just that.


**Hi, everyone!**

 **After all the love I've received with Captain Hatake's Training Seal, I've been meaning to write another KakaSaku story. Been kind of stuck in a small writer's block for a few days, but it's coming through, finally.**

 **This story is... well, different. I meant to post it as a one shot, but I think it's getting a little too long, so I will make it a two-shot. I'm almost done with the second chapter, but in the mean time, I've been giddy to upload something, so here you go.**

 **I have to admit my fingers just kept writing, and the story took some twists and turns even I wasn't expecting. It is a little darker than CHTS, but I hope you enjoy it, nevertheless.**

 **Disclaimer: Naruto characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Random OCs to feed the plot are mine.**

 ***This story is rated M, for reasons.**

 **oOo**

 _Drunk._

Jade eyes fought to stay focused as the girl's limber body struggled to walk in a straight line through the empty streets. It was past three in the morning, the darkness engulfing the Village Hidden in the Leaf like a cold whisper, only a few streetlights and the moon illuminating her way. A soft breeze caressed her skin, filling her naked arms with small goosebumps as she braced herself against the harsh night. As she walked, the only thing her fuzzy mind could think of was that she had achieved a whole new level of stupidity tonight, to such extent her alcohol-laden brain barely recognized where she was, even though she knew she was still within the borders of the village, the streets with which she was normally familiar now a foreign landscape.

 _Dammit, Sakura, how can you be such a moron?_

It all started with _him_ , as most of her idiotic decisions seemed to start. Even when he wasn't in Konoha anymore, the sole thought of him affected her enormously. He was the catalyst of nights like this, when her grief was so overwhelming it was all she could do not to flee the safety of her home and go search for him on her own. As much as she wanted to keep herself in check continuously, sometimes things just didn't go as planned. She had never been diagnosed officially, but she was pretty sure she was depressed. It wouldn't surprise her, though, if she were told she was, what with the life she had been forced to live from a very young age.

Sakura Haruno had seen more bloodshed and death in her short eighteen years than most normal adults. Life as a shinobi was rewarding in some ways, seeing as they were directly responsible for the safety of their home, an incredible feeling to be thought of so highly by everyone when they managed to keep that oath. Other times, however, things were not as glamorous. With time, she had seen the toll violence and death were having on her closest friends. Underneath the calm and happy faces, an inner turmoil was constantly growing, strengthening with every new wound and every death of an enemy, or a comrade. It was a hard reality to face, seeing as most of them had yet to experience what it was like to be a kid, let alone a teenager, under what would be considered normal circumstances.

Sakura loved what she did, in a bittersweet kind of way. Her sense of duty towards the village was as strong as her right hook, but there were days in which she loathed the life she had chosen. The feeling only got stronger whenever she was out and about in the village, the scenes taking place before her a cruel reminder of how different her life was, and how much she wished sometimes it was… well, _normal._

More than once she had caught sight of girls her age and the way they carried themselves, not a single care in the world, as they accomplished mundane and _appropriate_ tasks for their age: shopping for clothes, for makeup, having brunches, flirting with guys. Sakura barely knew much about makeup, the only products in her possession being a kohl eye liner, some mascara, and a lip-gloss. Her hair was an entirely different story; no way in hell would she ever learn how to keep it as shiny and tidy as the civilian girls in the village. It was a miracle she had time to comb through it on a daily basis. The only thing she could proudly say she had over them was her athletic physique, product of years and years of arduous training. Then again, what good was it if she had no idea how to use it outside the battlefield? It was a stupid thought, of course, considering her body was serving its purpose as a deadly weapon to protect her loved ones. Then again, this was the conflict she found herself facing more than enough times already: what would be like to be a normal eighteen-year-old for one day?

It had been that though, and her endless anguish over Sasuke Uchiha's departure, and unwillingness to return, what had set in motion the events that currently had her swaying her way to an unknown destination in the eerie hours of the morning.

 _God, why do I do this to myself?_

Everything started at lunch that day, when her blonde best friend had practically dragged her out of the hospital and her neatly packed chicken and veggies for a savory barbeque on a nearby restaurant. It was seldom they frequented places like this, but they had recently gotten paid for a B-rank mission and could indulge, if only once, until the next payday.

 ** _Nakamura's Bar and Grill, 12:35 PM…_**

 _"_ _So, Sakura, what's new?" Ino asked as she grabbed the piece of pork from the grill with her chopsticks and placed it on her plate._

 _Sakura was currently eyeing the meat choices in front of her, deciding on a chicken strip that looked rather juicy. "I have a surgery tomorrow, liver transplant. Then Tsunade wants me to oversee some procedures in the pediatric wing." she sighed, as if the mere thought of tomorrow's events was making her tired already. "Would it be awful to say I really don't want to go to work tomorrow?"_

 _"_ _Kids and guts are a hassle, everybody knows that. Fortunately, you own the most precise chakra control in the whole building, so mere mortals like me don't have to dirty their hands." the blonde said with a mocking smirk, for which she had to duck a French fry that was thrown by the pink haired girl sitting in front of her. "Also, kids love you, horribly foul temper and all."_

 _Sakura rolled her eyes as she stuffed the chicken in her mouth and chewed silently. There was no apparent reason as to why she wanted to flunk her tasks tomorrow, except the silent brooding that had overtaken her earlier this week. Out of nowhere, a certain Uchiha had crawled into her thoughts as she was cleaning her room and stumbled upon the old picture of Team Seven she had on her desk. She had cried herself to sleep that night and, even though the tears had stopped falling, the sadness and helplessness that came with them had yet to leave, clinging desperately to her heartstrings, refusing to let go for the time being. The amazing thing in all of this was that, despite her constant need to crawl into a ball and bawl her eyes out where she stood, Sakura was able to function normally, or as normally as she could muster in her condition. Anybody could look at her and notice nothing wrong, what with her impeccable work at the hospital that week. Her friends, though, were another story._

 _Ino's baby blue eyes found her lost jade ones and stared for a long time before she spoke. "Why do I have the feeling your desire to not work tomorrow has nothing to do with the hospital?"_

 _Chewing on her lower lip, Sakura averted her eyes from her friend. Ino was one of the few people who knew about her little episodes, and basically the only one brave enough to voice them out loud. Anyone else was either too afraid of her temper or too afraid to hurt her; but, not Ino, years and years of friendship did that to a person, specially one with a sharp tongue._

 _"_ _Sakura, you need to stop this shit." Ino whispered through clenched teeth, hoping to hide their conversation from the couple that had taken place on the table next to theirs._

 _The pink haired kunoichi didn't say anything right away, opting instead to poke at the steak pieces laying on her plate with her chopsticks until a dainty hand encircled her wrist, successfully stopping her movements. "What?"_

 _"_ _Don't act like you didn't hear me." accused the blonde, her tone acquiring an edge to it. "You need to stop this, now. He's not here, Sakura, and I doubt he's ever coming back. Hell, he tried to kill you like what, two times already? Why do you still let him control you?"_

 _Sakura snatched her hand away from her friend's grasp and spoke, barely a whisper, still not quite able to meet her eyes. "I don't want to talk about this."_

 _"_ _But, Sakur-"_

 _"_ _I said NO, Ino." Her jade eyes clashed with blue, and the argument was over with an uncomfortable silence settling between them._

 _It was always like this: Ino trying to force some common sense into Sakura, and Sakura cutting off whatever help that was being offered to her. It was pathetic, and she knew it, but what else could she do? She loved Ino with all her heart, but she didn't understand, would never understand. To the blonde, Sasuke had been just a mere childish infatuation that had been severed the moment he betrayed the village. For Sakura, the dark-haired avenger was so much more, and it was hard to let go of those feelings. As long as he was still alive, there was a tinge of hope that they could bring him back one day and make him see the wrong in his actions. The longer he was away, the sillier the idea seemed, but it was still there, nevertheless._

 _Just then, the waiter arrived with their tab and two cups of coffee. As he set them down, Sakura noticed there was something different between hers and Ino's. While her friend's had a simple series of swirls in it, hers had a sophisticated heart on top. Her brows furrowed slightly as she looked up at the waiter, and her breath successfully caught in her throat._

 _He had to be the most handsome guy she had seen in a long time. His skin was pale, though not as much as Sai's who, in Sakura's humble opinion, desperately needed a few hours under the sun with as less clothing as possible. His dark locks and dark eyes contrasted beautifully with it. It was obvious he was a civilian; he lacked the usual wariness shinobi had in their postures. If she squinted, she could almost see the amazing resemblance he had with a certain dark-haired male, which brought all sorts of confusing emotions to somersault in her stomach._

 _"_ _Anything else I can get you?" he asked with a silky voice, and a dashing smile that left Sakura mute. Ino quickly noticed her friend's predicament and stepped in before she could embarrass herself._

 _"_ _Only if you're in the menu." she said sultrily and took a sip of her cup, her eyes roving the guy shamelessly._

 _Sakura was roughly pulled away from her stupor as her eyes widened at her friend's antics. "Ino!"_

 _The waiter simply smiled, his attention now turned to Sakura. "It's okay, I don't mind. I'm used to Ino's… ways. You, though, I've never seen around here before."_

 _"_ _That's my friend, Sakura. Sakura, this is Kenji Ikamura." Ino introduced them before Sakura could say anything about it._

 _"_ _That's a pretty name, Sakura." he commented, his dark eyes smoldering into hers slightly._

 _"_ _T-thanks." Sakura had half the mind to answer in between her rapidly beating heart and the blush that was currently covering from her neck to her cheeks, heating her face as much as the grill in the table was doing to their food._

 _If there was something Sakura envied from Ino, and most of the civilian women in the village, it was the easygoing way they handled themselves around guys. There was no doubt her heart had been taken with Sasuke when he left the village, but she was still a woman with needs and hormones that were slowly starting to awaken in her teenage years. The problem was, she had no idea how to board the subject. She'd spent so much of her time brooding over the Uchiha that when another male made any sort of approach to her she was at a complete loss._

 _In her defense, her ninja career was a little more demanding than most of her friends'. Aside from Naruto, she had yet to meet another fellow chunnin who was as overworked as her and with as much weight on their shoulders. Between missions, her training with Tsunade, the hospital, and training in general, she barely had time for herself, and that time was usually spent resting at home. She wasn't like Ino, who would go get drunk every weekend and hook up with different guys each time. Hell, she was still a virgin, for crying out loud._

 _Even so, as she looked at the easy smiles Ino would produce for Kenji and the way his eyes would regard her, as if she was the sexiest thing in the world, Sakura couldn't help but feel jealous and frustrated. She told herself she couldn't care less if guys looked at her or not, but she knew that wasn't at all true. The older she got, the more she secretly yearned for that kind of attention. She wanted to experience that want, that need, for someone of the opposite sex who wasn't Sasuke, who was far away and would most likely never regard her in that way; because, as much as she wanted to hold on to her childish dream of a life with him in the future, reality and her developing body had other ideas as to what she should do. It was a battle of wits, one she knew, without a doubt, it was only a matter of time before she lost._

 _"_ _So, Ino, are you coming tonight?" Kenji asked as he began to grab the plates to take them away._

 _"_ _I am. Nine o' clock, right?"_

 _"_ _Yeah." Then his eyes locked on Sakura. "You should bring her too."_

 _Sakura was about to ask what was this about when Ino cut her off. "Sakura wouldn't want to go. Drinking isn't really her thing." the blonde pointed out and Sakura could see the mocking undertone of her eyes as she looked at her friend. "Besides, weren't you going to watch that new episode tonight?"_

 _Something stirred inside the pink haired kunoichi, something foreign and awfully disturbing. She knew Ino had the tendency to rile her up, but this time it seemed completely inappropriate. This was a guy who didn't know her, and Ino was drawing a picture of her Sakura didn't want him to have at all. It was absurd, because it was likely she would never visit this place again, what with how expensive it was. Also, she shouldn't care for what a mere civilian thought of what she did with her free time. She had more than enough friends who approved of her lifestyle and her ways to cope. And yet, she found herself feeling an inexplicable rage at her friend's words. How dare she made her look like a boring, unsavory woman in front of this handsome guy?_

 _The words stumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them. "I'll be there."_

 _Ino's eyes widened in surprise as Kenji smiled, satisfied with Sakura's decision. "Good. I'll see you there, then." Then he bent closer to her ear and whispered. "Wear something nice."_

 _Ino's baffled expression lasted for a few seconds after he had left for the kitchens. It was obvious to Sakura that wasn't the reaction her friend was expecting at all, and it made her ego swell with self-pride. It wasn't everyday Sakura could show up her friend when men were involved. The pink haired kunoichi finished the last of her coffee before standing up and grabbing her purse to pay for half of the tab._

 _"_ _Sakura, do you even know where we're going tonight?" Ino asked once she had composed herself, copying the medic's movements and standing up as well while fishing some bills to leave at the table._

 _"_ _I was hoping you would tell me, actually." Sakura said, a sheepish grin on her lips._

 _Ino scrutinized her, as if trying to figure out if this whole thing was a joke. Even with the sudden nervousness that had seem to overtake her friend once Kenji was out of sight, there was a determined glint in her jade eyes that told her she was going to follow through with it, reckless as she knew her decision had been._

 _"_ _What are you playing at, Sakura?" The blonde rose a brow as they exited the establishment, the sun light momentarily blinding them._

 _Sakura kicked a pebble in the road as they made their way slowly back to the hospital. "I'm not playing at anything, Ino. Just thought it would be cool to have some fun tonight." A smile graced her lips at what she said next. "Besides, it would've been disrespectful to decline an invitation from such a cute guy."_

 _"_ _Oh, so we're checking out cute guys now?" Ino teased. "Less than fifteen minutes ago you were almost crying over Sasuke again."_

 _Sakura just shrugged, to which Ino continued. "Sakura, if you really want to go out, I can cancel on the guys and we could hit somewhere… safer."_

 _This made the pink haired kunoichi frown. There Ino went again, underestimating the extent of the things she could handle. Why was it so easy for her friends to understand she killed people for a living, but so hard to picture her drinking and having fun and making out with a guy, like girls her age normally did? She knew she was damaged goods to some extent, but that didn't mean she had to be protected from the dangers of the teenage world all the time. It was even more infuriating when Ino did it, knowing firsthand that this was as good as any other coping mechanism, because it was the one she herself used when the path got too rough to withstand._

 _"_ _I don't need a babysitter, Ino." she said, annoyance evident in her tone._

 _"_ _I know that. It's just… I know Kenji, okay? I know what he wants when he invites a girl over to hang out at his house." It was obvious to Ino by Sakura's expression that she hadn't been expecting the venue for tonight to be so intimate. "I'm a friend, so I don't count, but you… You don't want that Sakura. You don't even drink!"_

 _Sakura huffed. "I can drink."_

 _Ino sighed, knowing she was fighting a losing battle. "My point is, you're my friend, and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable." Her eyes took on a more serious note. "Things can escalate quickly in his house parties."_

 _They had reached the doors of the hospital, Sakura holding them open until Ino had entered. "I can handle it, Ino. Besides, it's just a few drinks, right? How much harm can that do?" she asked the blonde as they made their way to the reception desk to be handed the files for their next patients._

 _"_ _I love when you act so naïve."_

 _Sakura rolled her eyes. "Why is it so bad for me to want to have some fun and meet guys?"_

 _"_ _It's not, unless you're doing it for all the wrong reasons, which you are. But I guess that's none of my business, is it?" the blonde retorted with a knowing glance at her friend. Ino turned around and started walking down the hall to the elevators. She didn't turn around when she shouted to Sakura. "Eight thirty at my house!"_

 _The pink haired medic stood rooted to the spot, watching her friend's back retreat until she was out of sight. There was a definite truth in Ino's words, but Sakura chose to ignore it. She wasn't through being sad over her miserable, unattainable love, but an opportunity to dull the pain had presented itself, and she would've been a fool not to take it. This Kenji guy sure wouldn't be as bad as Ino was picturing him. For all she knew, Ino might just be trying to scare her off and have the guy all to herself, what with the flirty approach between them back in the restaurant. Sakura knew, deep down, this wasn't true, and her emotional safety was always in her friend's best interest. Still, something inside her seemed to have snapped loose today, and she felt an increasing urge to leave her inhibitions behind and just relax and have a good time. It was an impulse, she knew, but the more she thought about an enclosed space with plenty of alcohol as liquid courage, even if she barely drank herself, and a Sasuke lookalike who actually seemed to like her, the giddier she seemed to get for tonight. Her emotions were conflicted, but she wouldn't back down from her words._

 _She just hoped she would find something decent to wear. There was no time to go shopping today, seeing as she was on her way to another exhausting surgery. Sakura sighed as she started walking the way her friend had, mentally going through her closet, an excited and pleasurable tingle settling in her stomach._

 _'_ _This will be fun.'_

 ** _Present time…_**

If only she had known what would take place that night at the Ikamura residence, she would've never agreed to go. She cursed under her breath as she stumbled on her own feet and had to make a grab for the nearest wall to prevent her face from dragging on the dirt. Her body trembled slightly, her gut wrenching violently as her eyes shut tightly. All she wanted to do was cry and cry until she disappeared in a puddle of her own tears. She felt tired, dizzy, and disgusted with herself and what she had given in to, what she had let _him_ do to her. It was enough to make her want to throw up, but she had half the brain not to do it in the middle of the street. She could only imagine what Tsunade would do if news got to her that her pupil was drunk as a skunk and vomiting in public, wearing clothes that would never be considered decent by any standards. Hell, forget Tsunade, what would her parents say? She had moved out of their house a few months ago, but their opinion still had enough power over her to stop most of her stupid choices from reaching completion. Sadly, they hadn't stopped this one.

She stumbled upon a grocery store. If she had been sobered, Sakura would've recognized it as the one about ten minutes away from her apartment. Now, though, it was like any other grocery store, owning a bathroom, which she needed desperately. She had peed so much already, it was a wonder to her medic-trained brain she wasn't dehydrated yet. As she walked over to the register, she tried her best to look normal, but the face of the clerk told her she was failing miserably at her task.

"Heey… do you h-have a bathroom?" she asked, her words slurring and smashing together like pins on a bowling alley.

At first, the man seemed reluctant to tell her, and Sakura could see he was torn between letting her stay in case she bought something and shooing her out and away. She felt the tips of her ears heat up as embarrassment slowly started to crawl up her body. At the last second, the clerk conceded and pointed the way, the disappointment never quite leaving his eyes. Sakura ignored this and thanked him as she made her way to the back of the store. She closed the door loudly behind her and leaned back against it for a few seconds, steading the new wave of dizziness that overtook her. She hitched her dress up and sat down on the toilet, her head coming to rest on her hands. As much as she wanted to forget what happened, every second she seemed to be granted a reminder, like her walk of shame as she had exited the apartment complex, and now, her lack of underwear, which lay forgotten somewhere in Kenji Ikamura's room.

 _You are so stupid, Sakura Haruno._

 ** _Ikamura apartment, 2:33 AM…_**

 _Sakura felt overwhelmed. The darkness of the room, the absurd amount of alcohol racing through her bloodstream, and the insistent hands that were currently pulling and twisting at the fabric of her dress. It was overwhelming to her senses, and she felt like she would drown on what she was feeling any minute now._

 _Ino had been right when she told her things would escalate quickly in Kenji's house. She and Ino had been warmly welcomed when they arrived, some guys and a few girls who Sakura didn't know already on their second or third glass of alcohol. She discovered Kenji was two years older than her, and lived here with his younger sister, who was currently out of town visiting their grandparents. Since he would be alone all night, he decided to call some friends over for a night of drinking. Ino and him had met a few months before when she went for lunch with her team at Nakamura's one day, and had since been a regular in his get togethers. Sakura quickly noted he was the kind of easygoing guy with a tongue as sharp as Ino's, and more than a few compliments for pretty girls hidden on his sleeve. It was mainly because of his flirty ways that Sakura had accepted her first glass of what seemed to be vodka mixed with some tangy fruit juice, then the second, and the third, until she lost count._

 _Throughout the night, as she sat comfortably on the sofa with Kenji's arm draped over her shoulders, Sakura was aware of the constant glares Ino threw her way from time to time. Not angry or jealous glares, but alarmingly concerned ones. She knew the alcohol was doing its desired effect after the fourth, or maybe fifth, glass as her whole body felt lighter, and her eyes would do this thing in which they would play everything in slow motion every time she moved her head. She had never been drunk before, so this was a new, and thrilling, feeling for her. Her inhibitions were slowly falling apart, and soon she found herself flushing her body to Kenji's, her leg thrown lazily over his as his hand went to caress her exposed thigh. She saw Ino frown from the other side of the room, but ignored her._

 _Suddenly, a glass was handed to her by one of the guys. The liquid was honey colored, and looked innocent enough, so Sakura didn't think twice before downing half of it in one go. Bad idea. She coughed miserably as the liquid burned its way down her throat, its strong taste making her grimace and turning her stomach over. Kenji chuckled beside her, and told the guy to dilute the whiskey a bit with some soda. She downed about four more glasses after that._

 _It was only when Ino excused herself to go have a cigarette outside with one of the girls that things took a turn for the unexpected. One minute she was sitting on the couch, and the next she was pressed against the locked door of Kenji's bedroom, his mouth slanted on hers with drunk expertise._

 _It was exhilarating, even in her drunk stupor. She had never been kissed like this before; hell, she had never been kissed at all. She didn't know what to do with her mouth, or her hands, or anything, so she just stood there and let him ravish her however he wanted. It felt so good, her senses heightened by the alcohol, she didn't protest as he moved them to the bed._

 _Everything seemed like a blur. Kenji would go in and out of focus, his hands everywhere at once. She barely registered when he pulled her underwear down and threw it to some unknown part of the floor. She was too aroused and drunk to give a shit anymore._

 _His hand found her sex and quickly started rubbing her sacred place. This did register in Sakura's hazy mind, and she suddenly felt self-aware of what was happening. She tried to close her legs, but they felt as heavy as logs, his other hand keeping them spread by pushing her thigh harshly to the mattress._

 _"_ _Maybe I shouldn't have let you drink that much. You're so drunk you're not wet at all." he chuckled under his breath._

 _Sakura knew enough about the human body to know this was very much true. Her body was a mass of confusion, aroused and drunk and unable to focus enough on either for too long. Suddenly, this wasn't a game anymore. She wasn't just having a few drinks with friends and forgetting about Sasuke for the time being. She forced her body up on her elbows and tried to focus on Kenji's face, whose eyes were currently locked in the place between her legs. She blushed._

 _"_ _Kenji, wait, I-"_

 _He kissed her slowly, tantalizingly, and whispered against her lips. "Shh, it's okay. I can fix that."_

 _She watched mesmerized as he brought his hand up to his mouth and licked his fingers, his eyes never leaving hers. When he brought it back down, the cold wetness hit her nether lips and she yelped, not prepared for the sensation. It felt much better now that the skin wasn't as dry, but Sakura couldn't shake the feeling that what they were doing was wrong. It was only when his finger slipped inside of her that her mind reeled, and she tried to back away. He caught her by the shoulder and pressed her down against the bed, his finger never ceasing to move inside of her._

 _"_ _Leaving so soon? But we're just getting started." he said, his voice husky and his breath smelling strongly of whiskey._

 _"_ _Kenji, I want to sto- ooh!" His finger curled inside of her, hitting a spot she knew very well existed, but had no idea would feel so good. Against her better judgement, or what was left of her judgement in general, moan after moan escaped her lips as he continued his ministrations. Much too soon for her liking, he added a second finger, a slight pain ripping through her as he stretched her out for him. It was a mixture of pain and pleasure and her hazy brain didn't quite know what to do with it._

 _"_ _See, you like it. Do you want me stop now?"_

 _She only closed her eyes shut and shook her head, not sure if she was meaning for him not to stop or if her body was unconsciously saying it didn't want to be there anymore. He didn't stop, his fingers increasing their pace, and all Sakura wanted was for the whole thing to be over. It didn't feel good anymore, just uncomfortable and invasive._

 _Her mind seemed to black out for a second, and the next thing she knew something much bigger and harder was pressing against her entrance. She was only able to catch a glimpse of what it was before he entered her in one swift thrust. Her fists clenched on the sheets until she ripped them apart, her knees came together in front of his chest and a loud, strained and painful cry echoed through the room. Kenji, startled by her reaction, was quick to cover her mouth with his hand._

 _"_ _Hey, calm down! What will the others think I'm doing to you in here? Sheesh…" he said as he pulled out and pushed inside again, his brow furrowing and teeth clenching at the resistance his body was meeting. "Fuck, you're so tight, you're strangling me."_

 _When he looked at her, he saw tears in her hazy jade eyes, her hands desperately trying to push him away. It all became crystal clear then._

 _"_ _Wait… you're a virgin?" She pushed at him with renewed fervor. "Oh, shit, you are. Why didn't you say anything?"_

 _The pain was unbearable, unlike anything Sakura had felt before. Her mind was working over time now, urging her insistently to get away from this place NOW. She hadn't sobered up at all, but her body regained some of its strength thanks to the adrenaline coursing through her like the strike of a Chidori. She was hoping her movements would alert him that something was wrong, and he would let go of her. The malicious grin that graced his features told her otherwise._

 _"_ _Hey, it's okay. It'll feel so much better soon, I promise." And with that, he pushed roughly into her and was buried to the hilt._

 _Sakura's eyes widened at the sensation and Kenji was only able to get about two more thrusts in before her foot connected with his jaw, sending him flying to the other side of the room. She couldn't feel her chakra, as her channels were disrupted by the alcohol, but her normal strength was just enough to get him off her. He sat up on the floor, groaning at the painful throb in his jaw, his mind barely registering that Sakura had gotten off the bed and was quickly putting on her high heeled shoes. As she made her way to the door, he stood up and grabbed her forearm._

 _"_ _What the fuck are you doing?" he asked angrily._

 _Sakura roughly snatched her arm from him. "I'm going home." was all she said before she went out the door and rushed to the entrance of the apartment._

 _She barely heard the whispers that followed, Ino's concerned voice, and Kenji's shouts of "slut" as they followed her until she was out of the apartment, her feet wobbly from the many drinks and the pain taking her as fast as they could out into the chilly night._

 ** _Present time…_**

Sakura made a grab for the toilet paper. Out of curiosity, she examined it after it was used, small splotches of blood accompanying the yellow liquid. Fresh tears slid down her face as she flushed the toilet and walked over to the sink to wash her hands. She dared to look at herself in the mirror. The woman staring back looked as shitty as she felt, if not worse: puffy jade eyes smeared with black kohl, flushed cheeks from the alcohol, disheveled hair jutting in random directions, swollen lips from the rough kisses, and even a small reddish hickey slowly coming into existence on her collarbone. Let's not forget the black dress, wrinkled in places where his hands had grabbled and pulled and twisted.

Deciding she had had enough embarrassments to last a lifetime, she reached into her purse for a comb and started battling with her stubborn locks until they looked decent enough to be seen in public. With the toilet paper and a little water from the sink she tried to clean the excess of her mascara and eyeliner, but only managed to smear it further. She sighed deeply in order to keep her anger in check at this, and threw the paper roughly on the trashcan. There was only so much she could do. Fixing her dress as best she could, she walked out of the bathroom.

 _What am I supposed to do now? I don't even know where I am._ Holding the new impulse to cry, and failing miserably, she started walking around the aisles. A small voice in the back of her mind told her to search for three things: aspirins, water, and a pregnancy test. This last one made her cringe. It was a little silly, since she had barely given him time to do much with his junk inside of her, but her chakra wasn't functioning at all, and she didn't want to run any risks seeing as she couldn't check herself for now. She completely forgot at the moment that she was sporting a contraception seal.

She felt a little calmer as she made her way to the register, her hands firmly holding the products. She stood behind a client and waited quietly as the clerk attended him. She peeked at what he was buying: a bottle of milk and a pack of condoms. There was a sudden urge to flee, but she held her ground. When the man thanked the clerk she froze, her eyes widening like saucers as she looked up to see exactly who was paying for the stuff.

 _God, why me?_

The silver hair was unmistakable, as was the gruff voice that had spoken. The jounin uniform had been replaced with a tank top, undeniably with a mask attached to it, and some loose back pants, but she would've recognized the man anywhere. The thought of her chakra being dormant barely reached her; he wouldn't have been able to sense her behind him if he tried. It she would've just stayed silent, he would've never known she was there. Alas, her mouth was still as loose as her inhibitions had been.

"K-kakashi?"

His head snapped back, surprise visible in his mismatched eyes as he regarded her, not expecting to meet with her at a grocery store at three in the morning. They quickly narrowed as he took in her appearance, and a scowl overtook his features as they landed on the things she held in her hands, mainly the pregnancy test. He didn't say anything, but stepped aside to let her pay for her stuff and remained motionless besides the cash register waiting for her to finish. There was no way she could look at him in the eye now. She walked out with her head low, the copy nin walking in tow silently beside her. It wasn't until they were outside that he spoke, his tone laced with concern.

"Sakura, what happened?"

She could try and be strong in front of strangers like the clerk, but never in front of someone as close to her heart as her ex-sensei. Her purse and grocery bag hit the ground with a loud sound as she latched herself to him, her face hiding in his chest as her arms circled his torso tightly... and she cried. Kakashi wasn't one for physical contact, but at the moment she couldn't care less. She wanted, _needed_ comfort, so she continued crying, soaking his dark shirt with her tears and smudging it with her makeup as her body trembled from the sobs. Kakashi stood baffled for a second, before his own arms embraced her, letting her cry her heart out on him. One of his hands came to caress her back softly as the other tangled in her hair, massaging her scalp, urging her to calm down, as he whispered things like "It's okay" and "Let it out" over and over again.

Ten minutes had passed when her sobs finally subsided, and she detached herself from him. The first thing Kakashi noticed was how unfocused her eyes were as she searched his face, even when he was standing a breath away from her. Next was the stench of alcohol she emanated, and the slight, almost imperceptible, smell of blood. He put the pieces together in his head, whatever he was planning to do when he got home forgotten for good.

"Come on, I'll walk you home." he said as he picked up her things, but she didn't move, her eyes locked on his intensely. She looked about ready to start crying again.

"C-can I stay with you? I-I don't want t-to be alone right now."

This was getting more and more difficult by the second. It didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened to Sakura, although Kakashi pleaded with all his might to be wrong. Also, she was very drunk, clinging to his shirt to keep her balance. She was in no state to be with _any_ man right now, but he was also afraid of what would happen if she was left alone. How much had she had to drink? What had she been drinking? Had she eaten anything before? Where had she been drinking alone at three in the morning? He had stopped being her sensei many years ago, but in situations like this, it still felt like his responsibility to care for his team.

He reached an arm underneath the girl's to steady her and began walking in the direction of his apartment.

 **oOo**

Sakura plopped on the sofa the moment it was within reach, her head pounding like crazy and her stomach doing somersaults. She grimaced at the uncomfortable feeling between her legs, but said nothing, even though she was pretty sure Kakashi had already figured out what happened. Now that she was safe in his apartment, her mind decided to let her know of the inappropriateness of it all. It would not be seen kindly if anybody found out she was in the apartment of a man fourteen years her senior, drunk, at three in the morning. But what else was she supposed to do? She didn't want to be alone, not only because she felt like shit, but also because she knew Ino would be looking for her this instant and that would be the first place she would look. After her friend's warnings, she just wasn't ready to face her yet.

She watched silently as Kakashi returned from the kitchen, a glass of water in his hand. The pink haired kunoichi made space for him to sit beside her, and he handed her the glass, which she took hesitantly. Sakura knew she had to replenish, certain her body was running on fumes and she was probably close to dehydration already. She drank slowly, grimacing as the cold water stung her dry throat. Kakashi waited patiently for her to finish, and she was very much aware of his eyes on her. She was afraid to look and find the same disappointment she had seen in the clerk's face, so she kept her eyes to the ground even after she finished the glass.

"Sakura, what happened?"

It stung her heart to even think about it, her thighs instinctively pressing together, but she knew she owed him an explanation. After all, she had all but barged into his home, disregarding if he had anything planned for the night, or morning, that didn't involve her. There was the fleeting though that she might pass out any minute now, her head feeling lighter by the second, but she quickly shook it off. Taking a deep breath, she braced herself for the lecture she would be getting the moment she finished her story.

"I… I went with Ino to a friend's house. There was…" she chuckled dryly. "There was so much alcohol, I don't even… I must've drank like ten glasses or more." She didn't miss the slight widening of his eyes at this information. "There was this guy, and we… he… he did…" Try as she might, she couldn't hide her broken voice as she covered her face with her hands. "I just… I just had to get out of there. I'm so stupid, Kakashi…"

Sakura started crying again. There was so much shame, and anger, and self-loathing inside of her, she felt intoxicated, and it had nothing to do with the alcohol. How had she let herself fall so low in such a short time? All she wanted was to forget, to have a well-deserved rest of the traumatic thoughts that plagued her day in and day out. She didn't want _this_. She should've listened to Ino, should've stopped drinking when she had the chance, should've never followed Kenji to his room. There were so many things she shouldn't have done, but she had done them all, and now Sakura was here, an undeniably pitiful sight in her ex-sensei's living room.

She was startled when his hand came to rest on her back, running soothing circles over the black fabric. Her eyes dared to look up, but instead of disappointment, she found concern and… understanding.

"You're not stupid, Sakura." he said.

Sakura sighed. "I know. I just…" There were the tears again. "I just wanted to forget… for one night… to not think about… not feel so… Why is it so fucking hard?" Her heartbroken eyes searched his. "Why is it affecting me so much, Kakashi? I don't see you or Naruto breaking down like this. I'm trying so hard to keep myself together, but I can't. I just wanted to forget… and then this happens! I fucking hate it! I hate this!"

The next thing she knew, she was pulled against a hard body as strong arms embraced her, holding her tight. She cried again, her tears seemingly endless tonight, as Kakashi rested his chin atop her head.

"It affects us just as well, Sakura. Men just tend to hide their emotions better, that's all. I'm sure if you asked Naruto, he would tell you he's also broken down more than a few times." he whispered, a hand back to soothing her hair.

"But he doesn't go sleeping around to cope with the pain." her muffled voice came from where her face was hidden on his chest.

Kakashi's hold on her tightened. "Don't say those things." His fingers pinched her cheek lovingly and he smiled underneath his mask, an eye crinckle the only evidence. "I know you, Sakura. You're the least bit like that in this whole village."

She pulled away from him and leaned back in the sofa, a heavy sigh escaping her lips. "I'm actually starting to doubt that now."

Kakashi's eyes searched hers. "It wasn't your fault. No matter how much you wanted it, it doesn't give him the right to act as he did."

Her jade orb widened at his words. "H-how do you...? I didn't tell you." she whispered, voice barely audible.

He gave her a knowing, stern look, as if he was trying to hold back his anger. "You don't have to."

It hit her like a tidal wave. His words brought with them every sensation she had felt, every tinge of pleasure, every strike of pain, every ounce of humiliation. Before she knew it, every thought was materializing into something tangible, something that burned its way up from her stomach to her throat. She stood up and rushed down the hallway to the bathroom, Kakashi hot on her heels. She was grateful she wasn't alone right now, because there was no way she could've gotten her hair out the way as her stomach heaved, her body holding tightly onto the toilet, and its contents emptied out.

She wanted nothing more than to disappear that instant. She couldn't move, she could barely breathe, as her stomach would contract over and over again, keeping her locked to the toilet for what seemed like an eternity. Her sobs began again, this time her hoarse voice apologizing to Kakashi over and over for having to witness her in this state. And every time he told her that it was okay, and to let it all out. When it ended, her head felt dizzier than before, her eyes heavy, and she barely heard him call out her name before she slumped forward, unconscious.

Kakashi cursed under his breath. He saw this coming the moment he figured she had drank and mixed alcohol like an expert sailor, although her resistance to it was nowhere near as good, but that didn't stop him from dreading the moment it happened. He quickly reached into the shower and turned the water on to the coldest temperature. Thank goodness, her body was petite, and she wasn't that heavy, because that would've been a hassle.

Kakashi Hatake had just returned from a mission. He was exhausted and in need of a night in watching television or reading. Upon arriving home and checking the fridge for some needed hot chocolate, he noticed the milk cartoon was empty, so he was forced to go out and buy some. The hot chocolate was a must for nights like this. The condoms had just been an afterthought; he didn't need them at the moment, but was pretty sure he ran out of them as well. Then, Sakura had appeared, successfully ruining his plans.

He got her underneath the freezing water, pushing her hair back and away from her face as he tried to get her conscious again.

"Sakura, come on, don't black out on me." he said, to which he received a low, almost imperceptible groan. That was good enough for him.

He swiftly took off her dress and her brassier with trained expertise, as if he had undressed drunken woman a thousand times before. He felt anger crawling under his skin when he saw her underwear was missing and splotches of dried blood were visible between her legs. Making a mental note to ask for the name of the cunning son of a bitch later, he grabbed the bar of soap and went to work.

If only he had been there for her, none of this would've happened. The copy nin knew Sasuke's departure and their failed attempts to bring him back were taking a toll on his old team, but he didn't know the extent to which it was affecting them. Naruto had a more direct approach on the matter. He would seek out missions and train until fatigue overtook him to keep his mind occupied. Sakura was different. He knew Tsunade was exhausting her with their training and hospital work, but he had thought that was enough to keep her mind from wandering. Apparently, the only thing that was accomplishing was making her even more stressed. She wasn't the type of girl to get drunk when things got harsh, she had made it clear more than enough times that she didn't approve of the Godaime's ways to cope with her problems. Kakashi had to wonder if what happened tonight meant she had reached her breaking point. If only he had paid more attention.

 _I'm still a lousy teacher, Minato._

Dressing her up was a tad more difficult than getting her in the shower. She would make little sounds as he laid her back on his bed and went to rummage for a clean pair of shorts and a shirt. The dark fabric successfully drowned her when he finished and softly tucked her in under the sheets. Not a second after, Kakashi heard her light snoring and knew his job was done. It was the least he could do to help. He wasn't the best person in the world to lecture her on what she had done, seeing as he had committed worse felonies when he was her age, but at least he could make sure she got a well-deserved sleep. He figured he needed one as well, what with how tired he was, what a hassle it had been to calm her down, and how every cell in his body had fought for self-control when he undressed her. Thankfully, his hands had a mind of their own on this matter, so he barely had to look down her body to see what he was doing. She was his former student, after all, beautifully-developed body and all.

His feet dragged him to the closet, where he fetched the extra blanket and pillow and made his way to the living room. Sleeping on a sofa in his own house wasn't what he had planned at all for this night; but, what else could be done?

 _She owes me lunch for the rest of the month._

 **oOo**

 **There we go! I know this story has some unsettling undertones to it, that's what I meant with the whole "my hand started writing without my permission' thing. Anyways, I hope you like this first chapter. Please read and review. Thank you so much!**


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